You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
