Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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