Don't you send me to vm
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
