He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
