Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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