so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
