Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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