What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
