Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
