Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sext me about skeletons
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
