I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
