my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
