I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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