used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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