He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
