dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
