what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
