vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
