It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize