Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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