I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
