we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
