we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
