Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
