I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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