I'm jealous of your bromance
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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