I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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