just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
