He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
