ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
