Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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