I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
