Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
