her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
