You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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