: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize