DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
