I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize