benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
