The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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