I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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