dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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