We named our party play list daddy issues
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
