i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
