I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
