She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
