they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize