piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
