My room smells like vodka and shame
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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