as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
