Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize