I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
