Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
God, I missed his penis.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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