new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize