Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
