we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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