One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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