note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
