Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
