So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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