After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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