I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
