ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize