I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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