Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
