im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
