Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
