shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize