so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
