You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bet he comes in French.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
