one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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