so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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