Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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