I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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