k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
