Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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