There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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