I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
