I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
