We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He? As in you personified your dick?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
