I have demons in me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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